I hope you are all having a good week. I've just spent a wonderful weekend winter camping and caving with my children.
Me and my son :)
I love spending time with my children with no internet/tv/media/shopping distractions. I love exploring our world together and learning basic survival skills. During the weekend, my children and I re-learned the importance of teamwork, depending and working with others. I am so proud of my children. I feel truly privileged to be their parent.
Which brings me to something that has been in my mind for awhile. In my efforts to raise my own awareness on how consumption affects me and my children, I come across many many articles depicting "bad" parents.
They seem to be everywhere - they are the parents who buy highly sexualised or inappropriate items for their children. They are the parents who buy convenience fast food over cooking wholesome meals. They are the parents who buy their children too many things to make up for the lack of time they spend with their kids.
...but you know what? I've been that parent and no doubt there will be times that I will be that parent again. I've bought videos/electronic games so that my children will be quiet while I get some extra work done. There have been weeks when I've bought a lot of fast food due to lack planning, or hell even just lack of energy to cook after too many days of juggling a career and sole parenting. I can not even count the number of times when I catch myself overcompensating my lack of time or inattention by buying my children too many things.
Now I know what most of you will say - "its not like you do this every day!" But you know what? It may not be everyday, but it IS still a part of my overall parenting. Just as how caving, camping, cooking wholesome food and conscious consumption is also part of my overall parenting. Yes, bad parenting choices are part of my world too.
But this post is not (despite appearances) about me flogging myself. What I'm trying to get across is that I can not parent in a bubble. Many of us parents have to cope with parenting in a highly commercialised world where over-consumption, or consumption as a replacement is normal and even encouraged.
Just like everyone else, I am susceptible to the constant advertising and marketing aimed at my children and myself. Companies invest billions of dollars on consumer research, advertising and marketing. Collectively, they form a complex, sophisticated system aimed at encouraging and normalising the consumption of goods and services that my family and I may not need.
What this means for me is that I am constantly having to navigate my way through a society where highly sexualised images, goods and services are depicted from anything as "desirable", "funny", or even as symbol that one has now attained "adulthood". (Anyone else note how Miley Cyrus has now publicly dumped her "Hannah" persona and has adopted a "bondage" look?).
While companies have seemingly endless resources for finding out ways to influence my children, I have only one thing. My intuition for what is right for my children. ...and sometimes that intuition is wrong... or just plain worn out from the constant bombardment of conflicting priorities and messages.
There are times when I find myself feeling so torn between giving free rein to my children's natural desire to be part of their community or banning certain things at the risk of them feeling isolated from that community. There are times when I also find myself buying things only to realise later that perhaps those things should not be a part of our lives.
So on the subject of the (sometimes subtle) parent bashing in these articles... I ask that we acknowledge the difficult world us parents are living in. What we need is more support and awareness of the issues. Parent bashing just does not help.
I wish you all well.
(For those who want to read more about the issue of consumption and children, I encourage you to visit: http://www.globalissues.org/article/237/children-as-consumers).
9 comments:
Where did you go camping and how cold as it?
We are thinking of going camping next weekend
excellent post
thanks for sharing
martine
Hello amummy! We went to Wee Jasper - and yes, it was COLD. My sleeping bag is rated for -8 degrees. On the second night I actually got cold in my bag despite the -8 rating and me wearing thermals as well as a beanie. I had to go and dig out several more wool blankets to go on top to get warm again.
Martine - thank you for commenting! Have to admit, I was a bit nervous posting my thoughts publicly on this issue.
Excellent post. I'm hoping to read Cinderella ate My Daughter soon. It's a new book in the US. I heard the author interviewed recently. She talked a lot about how "wholesome" tv stars morph into sex kittens. She's very concerned about body image messages. This holds for adults too. It seems to me that botox, cosmetic surgery and certainly hair dye are becoming totally mainstream. So much for looking your age.
Eilleen thank you so much for this intelligent and insightful post! I'm often left feeling guilty when I go against my instincts as a generally mindful consumer, and cave into the pressure of advertising and what I like to call peer consumer pressure. :P You have reminded me to acknowledge the good we do and the difficulties we face as parents in today's world. Thanks again :)
Oh so true! I think it takes a parent who recognises their own human flaws to acknowledge that none of us can live up to the ideals we are presented with in media. I really feel for first-time mums who haven't yet made the discovery that there is no foolproof plan for parenting. Especially when they drop by my house and see what three kids with two part-time working parents and lots of community obligations really looks like.
Woderful post. Honest and insightful. It brings to mind the saying, "progress, not perfection." Being a mindful parent is constant, hard work. Our kids benefit endlessly from that foundation of mindfulness. Our lapses will not undermine that foundation. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you all for your kind comments!
Thank you Dar for affirming what I think - that lapses do not undermine the foundation.
Hi just found your great blog via Little eco footprints. I love this post, I do think we need to be more supportive and understanding of parents. Now I'm a parent I understand how hard it actually is and whenever I read about this or that 'bad' parent I might not condone but I can certainly understand how circumstances could lead a parent to act that way. I always say to non parents who are making comments on parenting, before I was a parent I used to judge, now I don't judge :)
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