Projecting the "me I want people to see"

Hello everyone!

I hope you've all had a good start to the week. Me, I've been on hyperdrive at work! Which doesn't leave a lot of time for reflection, so its good that I had set this goal of writing a post today. Blogging has become a very important way of stopping and reflecting.

A few days ago, Jen of Darkpurplemoon said:

To someone like me across the other side of the world who only knows you through your blog - you have a really strong identity, which is creative, strong willed, caring and all out impressive.

Awww thanks Jen! You know, I'm always surprised by how people talk about my blog..and I guess by extension, me. :) But it is very nice of you to say these things Jen - thank you.

I wonder though what other people - ie non-readers of this blog - see when they see me and my home? I wonder if they see that I do this out of choice - to avoid human exploitation as much as possible? Or do they think I've fallen on hard times? Or do they think anything at all?

I have a feeling it falls into the latter category. I think that many people see so much stuff that they become kinda blind to how much they can see ("stuff overload"??).

My theory of "stuff overload" can be supported (I think) by the experiences of Alex who wore the same brown dress every day for a year...and she said that most people (especially those at her work) didn't even notice she wore the same dress every day. I also know that I don't really notice what other people wear or have either unless if they themselves point it out to me (and even then I usually have forgotten about it by the end of the week.)

"Too Much" Photo by Joe Madonna

So where am I going with this? I am starting to develop a theory (or should I say further develop my original consumption and identity theory).

I believe that consumerism has become a major way for us to project our identity - in this context:

• the me I want people to see; or
• the me I want to be.

The problem, however, is that in projecting our identity in this way we start surrounding ourselves with lots and lots of stuff....and we all develop "stuff overload blindness" (let's call it SOB).

And because we become blind to stuff, we then don't understand why the stuff we have do not seem to be projecting "the me I want people to see" or the "me I want to be".

Which leads us to think that our stuff must be "wrong" and so we get more new stuff. And we think "great! this is the stuff that will finally get people to see!!" or "great! this is the stuff that will finally project the me that I want to be!"

But the reality is that no matter what stuff we get, people (including ourselves) still have SOB and therefore won't be able to see for any meaningful length of time what we want to project...

So the whole thing is a pointless exercise which leaves us feeling dissatisfied.

...anyway, I hope I've made sense in this post. What do you think about my little theory?

Wishing you all a good week ahead.

Thank you (featuring your comments)

Hello everyone!

I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend.

You know, I am always truly grateful for every one of you who have commented on this blog and have helped me on my journey. The last few days I've been reading your comments here and have been so grateful that you guys have taken the time to write such lovely, challenging and insightful messages. You have all truly helped me process my challenges and shared my triumphs.

I thought I might pull out some comments to share with those who may not have read them yet.

So here they are (and in no particular order):

On Ethical Meat-Eating

Daharja said:

My mother grew up in an English country village and ate the diet that had been typical of her countryfolk for generations.

Which was: roast on Sundays (ever heard of the Sunday Roast?), then the offcuts were eaten through the week.

There was no refrigeration (electricity only made it to her village in the 1960s, yes really!), so meat couldn't be kept for long.

For lunch, sandwiches were often bread and dripping. Sounds real appealing, NOT. And breakfasts were often eggs, but no bacon. Bacon was a treat, which her Dad got far more often than she and her brother did, because it was so expensive!

Mum was not, and has never been, a vegetarian.

I'm mentioning this, because when you compare the amount of animal products she consumed growing up to what most meat-eaters typically consume today, the difference is striking.

From a practical point, the vast amount of meat we're consuming as a species increasing rapidly in numbers (another big issue there!) is causing massive deforestation, raping of our seas, and an extinction event we can now proudly hail the Anthropocene.

To read all of Daharja's comments, click to this post and scroll down.

On buying

Janet wrote:

Remind yourself that you are being a conscious consumer - not a non-consumer. Seems to me you have made conscious choices to purchase products which fit into your present lifestyle, to enhance who you are - not define who you are.

Actually all the comments on this post have really helped me a lot (thank you!!). Click here to read them.

On ethical food consumption

Rebekka wrote:

To me, buying at Aldi's not just about food miles (which I also think are very important) it's also about the sort of food systems you're supporting. When you buy from a farmers' market, or a local greengrocer (ours doesn't focus on local products as such, but we make a point of asking where the products are grown) or butcher or baker, you support farmers, and/or you support a local small business. Your dollar underpins small, local systems.

To read the rest of Rebekka's comment, click here and scroll down.

On Sole Parenting and Ethical Consumption

Hathor's Bath wrote:

Maybe people think you don't have "time" to do the ethical thing; organic food costs loads more than the cheap stuff, even fast food costs a fraction - and there seems to be the assumption that making things from scratch takes loads of time - if you're a working parent you don't HAVE time.

Honestly, I make time - because I know it's important to do so as it's only me. Like you, I don't have anyone to convince to follow my path like I used to before (and of course could never manage it) so I can just do my thing. I have made my own time by working at home, and rather than getting the more expensive job to buy more stuff, I have the job that allows me to work at home and I just buy less stuff. It's not impossible to do, it just means finding your principles and sticking with them, at least it does to me

To read other comments on this post, click here.

Anyway, I have just realised what the time is and I must be off. Once again, thank you all for your comments and I hope newer readers here (welcome!) will be able to get something out of the above. I hope to start making your comments a regular feature in this blog.

Next time I post (probably on Tuesday), I will be tackling the issue of identity (as suggested by Jen in her comment on this post). In other words, enough about you, let's talk about me (haha!).

See you all then!

I want I want I want...

"Consumerism = Slavery" by just.luc

Hello everyone!

Okay, I have a confession to make - the last two months I have been suffering from:

• On-Road Cycle Covetousness
• Digital SLR Cravings
• I-Phone Envy

...yes, I have been really craving to buy buy buy. And buy BIG.

Now this is a bit of a novelty for me. The last 3 years, I have been quite happy to potter along learning how to live without stuff...and now I want these three items in a big way.

I'm not sure what happened. I suspect its due to the fact that now that I am finding my feet again after my separation, there is something about these items that represent that new identity I am redefining for myself.

In short these items are representing parts of the new "me that I want to be".

Several times now, I have walked in to the shops to buy these items only to walk away empty-handed.

...not all of it is willpower. I simply do not have the savings to buy all three items at once...nor do they mean so much to me that I would go into debt for them.

Also:

• My old mountain bike is heavy and doesn't go fast, but its still perfectly capable of riding along the many bicycle paths along ONC*.

• My old manual SLR can still take photos - I just have to wait for the film to be developed. (And yes, I found a couple of places that still take camera film.)

• My current phone still calls, texts and even connect on to the internet.
  

But in the end, its not functionality I'm really after. I'm after a new look in life.

Part of the process of redefining my identity has involved reconnecting to past pleasures. Pleasures I indulged in before marriage and before children. But now, I want to reclaim them from my past and bring them into my present (hence why I am not content with my old items which really are from my past).

...then a small voice inside me keeps persisting - "you know you can be the person you want to be anyway without these things."

So awareness of my motivations for wanting these items is holding me back from fulfilling my desire to buy...at least for now. I'll let you know if I cave. :P

I wish you all a wonderful weekend.



*ONC = Our Nation's Capital

Consuming food according to my values

Hi everyone!

I've had a fantastic few days celebrating with my friends and family. I'm trying to make an effort to celebrate 'me' and how far I've come. Celebrating me is a concept that I kinda get in my head but I have to admit also find it difficult to actually do without my mind veering off to thinking about something else instead. I am still very uncomfortable about consciously assigning importance (how I am defining "celebrate") to myself and my journey so far.

I wonder if that's an Aussie culture thing? Or is it a female thing?

...and once again, I have digressed from the purpose of this post. The wizardess of dreams wrote to me:

i would like to hear about...morality in food, i suppose. like, trying to find food that is environmentally sound and how one does that, because i am struggling a lot with that right now.

You know, I have to admit, this is one of the things I struggle with. Firstly, I think its a struggle because for me I have found it hard to define my own values related to food. Food - the way that it gets produced and lands on my table - has never really been something I thought about until I started this blog and only after a few emails and comments made by readers here.

Photo by Rachel Andrew

For me the first step in lasting change has always been to question why I am wanting that change. For me, this has meant looking beyond my superficial assumptions and questioning them.

I recorded my first attempt at questioning and defining my values related to food here (link takes you to my post about vegetarianism). I re-read that post before I wrote this one and found myself thinking that what I said then still reflects the values I have over food now. Human rights will always be at the top of my value priority list and will always take precedence over environmental and animal rights issues associated with food production.

My food value system has also been influenced by other bloggers. In particular, Julie from Towards Sustainability who has written about her food choices. Here are some of my favourite posts of hers on this topic:

• Aldi and Food Miles
• Rice: Australian Vs Imported

Defining my values towards food made it easier for me to decide what to buy and to reach compromises that I am happy with.

I have access to some good retailers for food (I blogged here about the farmers market) - and there is a great fruit and veg shop near me that stocks locally grown food. I also know some great gardeners who have excess food from their garden occassionally. ...And I'm lucky that they think of me when they have excess food. (Thank you!!!)

In terms of finances, well, like any consumption, it is a matter of priority and creativity. I place great importance in showing my children the empowerment that comes from living according to my values. Therefore, consuming in a way that makes a mockery of those values is something I can not abide by. So I place appropriate priority for financing my consumption habits in my budget. Menu planning helps a LOT (see my post on "How I got my grocery bill down to $70 a week").

Now I know I probably haven't totally answered your question Wizardess, but I do hope that this post has given you some food for thought (haha) on consuming food according to your own values.

I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend and I wish you a good week ahead.

Sustainable living in the ONC*

Hey everyone!

I am gearing up for a very busy next few days (yes, I'll be socialising), so I thought I'd do a quick post now in reply to Quatrefoil who asked:

...what are your recommendations for good places to go to sustain the sustainable lifestyle. Where are the good markets, op-shops, free things to do etc. And are there groups of like-minded people I can join?

Now I have to admit, this is a daunting question for me...but only 'cause there are so many free places to go, markets to do, op-shops etc. So I'll try my best to cover what I do know.

Free Places to Go

Oh my goodness, the sky's the limit here - virtually all of our national buildings, parks and galleries are free. I've blogged about them here. But here's some more that are not as well advertised to tourists (ie advertised only within local communities):

Round Town Events - free entertainment, jumping castles, face-painting and/or crafting for the kids. Food would be the only thing you have to buy (or you can bring your own). My experience is that the music is usually excellent in these venues.

events.act.gov.au Also advertises lots of free (and not free) entertainment that's happening. There's Groovin' in the City at the moment and then Canberra Festival soon, but there are heaps more that come up all the time.

There are also free ranger-guided walks in our many parks.

The best way to know of free events is to attend one...then look for the Information Stall to find out when the next free event will be. I've found that there's at least one good free event to go to once a month.

Good Markets

Well, I'm partial to:

Handmade Markets - held quarterly. These markets are just fantastic. Prices are a bit exxy but you certainly get beautiful craftsmanship for what you buy!

Farmers Market - for food grown in the region, good organic options. You can also get fairtrade coffee beans here (though I prefer to go to Oxfam in the Canberra Centre for my coffee and chocolate). Oh their website says they are only in EPIC on Saturday morning, but the same stall holders are also at the Woden CIT on Sunday morning and then Queanbeyan Park on Sunday afternoon (the Queanbeyan one is much smaller though).

Good Op Shops

Oh for good op shops, with reviews etc, you HAVE to check out this blog: http://act-opshopping.blogspot.com/ The authors there will have much better info than me!

Trash and Treasure markets are also quite good. I'm partial to the one in Jamieson and the one in Woden (no website) every Sunday morning.

I'm afraid I'm not really a member of any sustainable living groups. I find that being with my children, work and being with my family and friends take up pretty much all of my time already, so I can't help you there.

Now I know that there are heaps of other shops or even groups to join out in the ONC, so for ONC readers of this blog, if you would like to add shops/sustainable living groups on this blog post, please comment below (and I'll do my best to edit and expand on this list)!!

In the meantime, Quatrefoil, you might like this ad about ONC, titled "Things Have Changed":



*ONC = Our Nation's Capital

Sole Parenting and Ethical Consumption

Hello everyone!

Oh my goodness, its been so long since I last updated. This is a result of a combination of things - firstly, I lost my home net connection for awhile there (just a glitch between my account and my ISP - all resolved now). The second reason is that I have been consciously trying to live up to my word of the year - to celebrate.

And I've realised that celebrating one's day to day life doesn't leave much room to write about it. For me celebrating inevitably means people. I am not one to celebrate alone (though I do admire those who can do it). So my days and nights have been filled with spending time with family, as well as old and new friends. Its been a wonderful few weeks for me, reconnecting with people and indulging in past pleasures.

But I digress from the purpose of this post.

I have received a couple of emails asking me if I am a sole parent (yes I am) and how do I manage live on one income while still living and consuming ethically.

Photo by Ryan Opaz

Now, I have to say that my first reaction was to say that I never saw being a sole parent or being on a single income had anything to do with how I consume. My initial thoughts were that average people always have a choice in regards to how they spend their income - whatever the amount of that income is and whether the income is coming from one or many sources. I maintain that we truly do not need as much stuff as we currently have, nor do we need to keep spending money to maintain stuff that we do not need. In my experience, decluttering and downsizing were HUGE steps towards becoming more empowered with how I spend.

I simply don't buy a lot of stuff - nor do I have a lot of stuff to maintain.

Which means that when I do buy stuff, I am more able to buy according to my values (aka "joyful consumption").

I know that I might be coming across as a bit flippant about this. Believe me that is not my intention. I know its been a hard journey for me to get to where I am now and I acknowledge that I still have a way to go. Consumerism in our society is inextricably linked to our sense of identity and (dare I say it) self-worth. Taking steps away from all that is hard...BUT I hope people know that it can be done.

...Now all that I've written so far, as I've said, was my first reaction. And I do believe that it has a great deal of truth in it for me... but on reflection, I also realise that I would be wrong in saying that there is no link between being a sole parent and ethical consumption.

In reflecting my consumption choices over the last 4 years, I realise that being a sole parent (for almost 2 years) has allowed me to make financial and consumption decisions without having to consult another person. I am in (what I regard) a very great position to truly consume according to my values.

That's not to say that it can not be empowering to make decisions as a couple. I know that when I was married, there were times when I felt empowered after we had negotiated win-win situations. ...But it is harder and I'm afraid I don't have any good advice on this one (indeed, I am probably the last person who can give that advice anyway).

I can say this though, living simply has enabled me to make choices and adjust to a smaller income more easily. When I think of the way I used to be as a consumer, I truly think that I would not have been able to make the adjustment to a sole income as smoothly as I did.

So I guess in some ways, you can say that living simply has not only allowed me to live ethically, but its also empowered me to deal with life's challenges. In short, my simple life allows me to dance even when its raining.

I wish you are all well.

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Oh and on a totally unrelated topic, I am pleased to announce that the National Library of Australia recently contacted me to ask for my permission for this blog to be part of its Pandora Archive.

I have to admit, I am quite flattered that they think my blog is worthy of Pandora and I look forward to the day when I can show my (hopefully) grandchildren this blog in our National Library.

A big thank you to all my readers who have commented and emailed me. Your thoughts and questions continue to be a source of great learning and encouragement for me and my journey. I hope that, in turn, you were also able to get something out of my blog.

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