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Firstly a big thank you to all of you who posted, emailed or contacted me on Facebook to celebrate my garden's first 'harvest'. Your encouragement on my journey to learn how to grow food has been amazing and has helped me stay motivated as I make many mistakes. I have yet to have a successful green-leafy vegetable grow in my garden - the snails keep getting at them but harvesting my potatoes really lifted my spirits.
On a completely different note, I have been noticing lately that many of the older children and teens I speak to seem to be very very busy people! They seem to have their days filled with school, then about four or five extra-curricular activities - ballet, piano, scouts etc etc. The list just goes on. All these children do seem to enjoy their activities but a part of me does worry for them.
See, I have a strict "one extra-curricular activity only" rule in my house. There are several reasons for this. One of which is that I just don't think I have the energy to constantly juggle my children's times, different requirements etc.
But mostly, I have this rule because it simplifies the rhythmn of our house. We have more days than not just doing things together as a family. I go to the park with the kids and play with them, we have picnics and bicycle rides, and days-in watching movies with popcorn.
As a working mum, I already feel at times that our time together as a family is already limited. And I think I would resent it if our time together was cut even shorter by more extra-curricular activies.
Recently, my son and daughter has been asking me if they could "do more things" so they could be "like everyone else". (Examples of more things being ballet, piano, football and T-ball.) I have thought about their requests carefully and in the end, I explained to them how doing more things (on top of their one activity each already) would mean they would have to give up our picnics and our park time - ie they would have to give up our family-play-time. I explained to them that all the things they are wanting to do are not really geared for all of us to play together.
Upon hearing this, my children decided they'd rather have time together as a family rather than doing all the other stuff.
To me this is good news... because it means that I will have this play time with my kids for a little longer.
But I am also very conscious of my children's reasons for why they asked to do more things in the first place. And once again, I am reminded that my children *do* have a desire to experience life collectively with their broader community - ie to "be like every one else".
And with that, I also understand that there will come a time when I will have to revise my "one activity only" rule.
But for now, I will enjoy my play time with my children and hope that I am also showing them that there are joys to be found in *not* being like every one else.
I hope you all had a good day.
My daughter spinning "faster than the Earth". Playing at the park after school.
9 comments:
I completely agree with you on all the extra activities. Children now seem to be overscheduled. My 8yr old boy does 1 activity after school as does my 4yr old. I also work part-time so it is juggling the other days so we can be together as a family. I think children need time to unwind, relax and also play freely after school.
The peer pressure is on and I am always been told how many activities friends are doing some up to 4-5. I have just let my 8yr old join nippers as he has always wanted to, since he was about 3. So I suppose he is doing 2 things but we all actually get to go to the beach as a family and watch him.After the season is over he will be back to one and that I feel is plenty.
Anyway still loving your blog Eileen, very inspiring.
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I think you have hit the nail on the head. I remember doing the activity thing when my children were little.
I was run ragged....hockey...ballet...scouts...gymnastics..skating.My daughter used to cry every time I put her on the ice until I finally realized that if it wasn't fun, we should be staying home.
You did well by explaining what the children would lose by doing more. Great job!
Though I'm not a parent, I have experienced this from the kids' perspective, as well as on a professional level. My parents limited what my brother and I could do as well--I tried out for a couple of sports teams (but never made it), but it was ok because that gave me more time to concentrate on the stuff that was important to me, like my art (which was pretty much on an in-school/homework basis) and my music. And, of course, my schoolwork--academics were always an important consideration in my family, and I was in a lot of "honor" classes where the work was a little tougher than the lower-level classes. My brother occasionally did the cross-country team, but by high school he wasn't really taking music lessons anymore. (He self-taught himself the guitar instead.) There were times during the year where we'd be allowed to take something extra on, like I often did pit band for the high school musicals, but until my senior year, where I was working part-time on top of school and music to save up money for a car, it was never on a long-term basis. There's things I wish I could have done when I was a kid--I really wanted horseback riding lessons but my parents said no since I was already doing music lessons. So I just took those for a summer as a young adult, and would gladly do it again if the opportunity arose. Overall, though, I feel like my life was a lot more balanced than a lot of kids have these days.
From the perspective of one who teaches one of those extra-curricular activities, it really does seem like kids now are overscheduled. It's a very common occurrence for a kid to come into his or her flute lesson and say that "I didn't have time to practice because it was a really busy week with school/sports/etc." I've also had students who have ended up dropping the flute because they were just getting too busy and had to make some choices. Not the greatest for me, of course, but I do try to be understanding, and another student always comes along to take her place. (And usually the ones who drop are the less-dedicated ones anyway.) It's like kids have to do a little bit of everything, to the point where it's probably hard for them to do things really well. (I also have several friends who are parents of late elementary/middle school-aged kids, and have seen them mention how they've been having to start paring back their childrens' activities because it's just too much to juggle and still get quality time as a family. So you're definitely not alone in that.)
We're homeschooling and I still wouldn't want my girls doing too many extra-curricular actitivies! We are privileged in that I could organise more than 1 each and we'd still get lots of family time (if the activities were scheduled during the working day). Recently I wanted to enrol my eldest in tiny soccer, as she was very interested but then I read a fantastic article on how 5 is too young for organised sports, and that at this age playing with sports is much better. There is a danger with homeschooling that you pack in too many activities because you are worried about under-socialisation etc... and then you realise they are missing out on you!
Oh, I have so been meaning to post about this same thing. I am struggling with some guilt, wondering if my children are missing out, compared some of their little friends, that seem to have an endless array of 'organised' activities to do!
I keep reminding myself that being in the garden with them, doing craft with them, dress up's and pretend games, spending time together, having playdates & just having fun is 'learning' at the same time... learning social skills, being resourceful, about nature and cycles etc.
At the moment, we want to get back into swimming lessons, and perhaps when the cooler weather comes and there is less time outside, we might get them both into a gymnastics class.
When they get older, we think one sport activity and one 'other' activity (language, music, hobby etc.) might be good guidelines to keep us all sane, and have as much together time as possible...
Thanks Eilleen for your post...
I like reading your thoughts and insights, my son as you know is only 11 months and I think about the future and you cover stuff that I think about and I agree with what you say. I like that you are open minded enough to see it from where your kids are coming from so not ruling out your rule in the future but also encourage that conforming is not essential to be happy.
I totally agree with this, but find it is impossible to implement.
I think it is very important that my children play a musical instrument. Unfortunately musical lessons are not provided in school, so they both have those lessons elsewhere, so that's one activity. One of my children plays in an orchestra (the other one can't because his school isn't finished at that time), so that's activity number two.
Because sport is also important, both of my children swim. The swim club practises twice a week, meaning activity number three and four. And of course they also have swimming contests, so that's number five.
What should have been two extracurricular activities have somehow multiplied into five and I am not mentioning all the extra activities from school, the concerts given by the orchestra and so on).
Luckily I have a husband who pretty much covers all things related to swimming, but still, it is a bit much.
I know I'm late replying to this post, but I've only just caught up with your blog again.
What you raise about extra curricular activities for children, is something that has been on my mind too. I intend to blog about it next year, when we go through our no spend year.
But the thing which struck me after I got over the guilt of not wanting to take my daughter to everything immaginable - is, when did it become wrong to spend time at home?
When I was growing up, paid excursions were very rare, because my mum was a single parent too. I learned to use my imagination in the garden instead. I learned to draw pictures and talk to kids in the park. Socialing came by the way of bbq's and swimming at a friends pool. I never lacked company nor the opportunity to exercise my capabilities as a growing child.
So it's only just dawned on me that my daughter doesn't need "paid" activities to learn everything she needs. Why on earth was I ever feeling guilty about it?
Peer pressure, LOL, the usual culprit. ;)
Thank you so much for commenting Chris and thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts on this.
Its good for me to revisit old posts and think about where I was and where I am now.
I have been thinking a little bit more on this subject and I have, already relented on the 1 activity rule. See I do martial arts for myself and recently my children have been begging to do it as well.
So I asked around and found that there are mixed classes for kids and adults. As a member, I can attend these extra classes for free. So I've now enrolled my children in the mixed classes so we can do this one other activity together. So still family time, but external and paid.
But I do get what you're saying Chris. It is important to have that unstructured family time where the stimilus to do things are coming from within instead of externally (and usually separate) from the family unit.
More things to think about.
Thanks again!
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