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A few days ago, I was reading this article on the ABC, warning consumers to expect an expensive Christmas. It seems to me that Christmas has become synonymous to spending - and associated with that, stress. I couldn't help but comment on the ABC website about my opinions on this. I was surprised when a couple of people commented that they *liked* spending at Christmas and they felt that there was "no pressure to buy".
So is there really a pressure to buy? I certainly felt it. During my year of not buying brand new, I felt it very keenly. But, where is that pressure coming from? At the time, I attributed the pressure coming from my own habits, cultivated through years of never being exposed to alternatives to buying. But on reflection, I think the pressure to buy may be more than just habit and culture. In some ways, I think the pressure to buy may also be there because of I had lost the ability to truly connect with people - including my family - without spending. Making people happy had become synonymous to buying something for them.
And its hardest at Christmas. Its usually at Christmas that *everyone* gets together. Chunks of time are allocated to chunks of people over the 2 to 3 days of Christmas. And with that many people to "please" and so little time to do it, it also seems to be more convenient to just buy something for them.
In previous posts on gift-giving I have talked about alternatives to spending - mostly by making the present using recycled materials OR I give people the gift of an experience rather than a thing. For my son's birthday this year, his Wiggle top was not his only gift, he found the process of helping me make his Wiggle top and seeing bits of cloth turn into something recognisable a wondrous experience - he still talks about the "sewing my Wiggle shirt day" as much as he talks about his Wiggle top.
Rhonda Jean at Down to Earth, challenged people in this entry to write down 3 things that you normally do at Christmas but don't like doing and make plans to not do it. I like the thought of doing this and would encourage others to do it.
I have to say, I no longer do anything I don't like to do at Christmas. Having said that I still feel the pressure to buy. So on a variation to Rhonda's challenge I would like to address three sources of my pressure to buy. So here are my 3 things:
1. Get to know people better so that I can find alternative ways to connect with them.
2. Talk more openly to those I know so that they are able to understand why I think its better to limit or even just not buy presents for each other.
3. Instead of limiting seeing people over 2-3 days, start making plans to see people more regularly over the entire year rather than just at Christmas period. That is, make more of an effort to connect with people regularly rather than trying to cram it all in one hit.
What will you be doing this Christmas?
A different spin on kraut
2 days ago
10 comments:
I think there's a HUGE pressure to buy. I think it's mostly about someone gives you a gift and then there's pressure to recipicate.
I personally hate the whole gift-exchanging things. I don't like getting gifts and I don't like receiving gifts.
SOMETIMES, it's okay. Spontaneous gifts are not too bad. But I really do not like it when it's expected or an obligation.
The one thing I did love about Facebook is you could exchange gifts without spending money, using/exploiting natural resources, etc. But that got out of hand at times.
There is a great book out there called "Unplug the Christmas Machine" - can't recall the author, but the authors run workshops about how to put meaning back into the holidays. It's a great read for Christians and Non-Christians alike. According to the authors, LOADS of people feel that the holidays are out of hand...
You do know about The Handmade Pledge, don't you?
http://www.buyhandmade.org/
I have a draft email to send to relatives to say NO presents for us as we will not be buying for adults... it's so hard to send! I've also asked for minimal gifts for the girls, if anything a book or something handmade/fairtrade. I worry that I will appear elitist, snobby, or holier-than-thou! So still it sits in drafts... while I muster up the courage to send it.
I'll admit that I do like giving gifts. But this year, I'm hoping to do as many handmade gifts (preferably using things I already have in my stash) as possible. I already know what I'm going to make for a couple of my friends, and my mom's said straight out that she just really wants me to resize some shirts for her (she's lost some weight recently and doesn't want to buy a whole new wardrobe. And while she sews, she doesn't like making clothes.) I'm still going to buy a couple things, most likely, but I'm hoping that people will see the time put into the handmade stuff as a gift too!
What I find really difficult is that, by living so far away from ALL our family, Christmas is one of the few times that we actually get to spend any time together. We haven't seen any family member since February. The only way to connect in person more often is to fly, which this year has just been too far out of our budget to manage.
Meanwhile, we exchange gifts via post and utilise VOIP as much as possible.
It's not an ideal situation at all. I loathe the search for "the perfect gift" and tend to start in June in order to spread it all out. I would dearly love for all of us to pool our allotted "gift" money and spend it on a getaway for us all together instead, but that would involve having to convert everyone else. We've attempted to find a solution that works for their entrenched habits and our wanting to not accumulate more "stuff" and have suggested that they pool their money for our gifts to purchase one particular thing that we really need for the house instead. Hopefully they will take this suggestion and run with it.
I definitely feel a pressure to buy. Last year I tried suggesting that we not buy for the adults for Christmas and I got a horrible response - you would think I had suggested cutting off our toes or something similarly awful. I had thought it might go over ok since my in-laws unilaterally declared no birthday gifts for adults several years ago - but NO. I requested gifts to Heifer for me, and got several, along with a few small, well-thought out gifts - which really suited me perfectly.
I was stuck with hours of searching for gifts for DH's family, that probably didn't hit the mark. It all feels so wasteful of time and money! When I find something that jumps out at me as "oh, my SIL would love that", I'm happy to get it, but I don't like wandering the mall or trolling the web trying to find something, anything that will do.
I'm going to try to do some homemade gifts this year, and try (Ha, easier said than done, since we'll be seeing family at Xmas) not to worry if I don't get much for someone.
This year we decided on no gifts outside of those in our household and even that will be limited. When we spoke to those affected, they were generally quite disgruntled. As yet, I'm not sure whether they were upset about not giving or not receiving.
Hi there - I have been away in Queensland for a ocuple of weeks visiting my family (son, brothers and sister, Mum). They all were given a hand made face cloth - most of which I knitted while visiting them - and let them know that the visit and cloth were their Christmas present for this year.
Otherwise, my family and friends in Canberra will get a home made , or thrifted present - depending on their likes etc. I have given home made presents for many years - started when my 26 year old was a baby, and I made some patchwork that year. Now of course, it is a tradition.
Good to hear from you again - I am catching up on the past 2 weeks blogs
nice posting. I can usually feel my anxiety rising as it gets nearer to Christmas if I feel like I must purchase things for others. I am resolved this year to buy nothing or make something (recycled) small as a gesture and to focus on the time spent with loved family and friends.
Thanks for the reminder.
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